No picture today... going to see how much I can get done this time. before things go haywire again. (See below **) .... Anyway, I just want make it known that this 10 year memory gap is no longer a complete gap. As I am get little memories back, it's like a little pin holes of information. & It's never a complete memory. & It's not all the time.
& Other times, like I said it's like I'm doing something that just feel instinctively right.
Ok, now I feel like I'm repeating my self from yesterday. So, let me at least tell you this. My memory gap is from 10-16-96 thru 10-16-2006.
On that morning, 10-16-06, when I came to at the bottom of steps that I had no clue where I was. When in reality I was in my own home. What freaked me out was there were 2 dogs I didn't recognize. My 1st thought was I had been drugged & someone took me to their house... but after reaching my mom (via speed dial on a cell phone that at the time I didn't know was mine)... I found out that the house was in deed my house & those are my 2 dogs. Needless to say I was spazing out because I didn't remember any of it. & then I mentioned to my mom, that my (now) hubby is going to be upset.... we're supposed to be getting married in a few weeks. (You see my mind was still focus'd on 10-16-1996)
That's when my mom said I needed to call 911 something was wrong. I told her I didn't want to get off the phone with her because I was scared. Well, some how my sister call 911 & the ER techs arrived as I was talking to her & then she talked to the ER people & then they came in evaluated me & ended up taking me to the hospital.
Just so you know, I'm just fine. The hospital ran all kinds of tests... EKG, EEG, Cat Scan & MRI's. & as from we could get out of the doctors. I was physically ok. They had a psychiatrist come in my room & give me some extensive memory tests. He said I was fine & to follow up with my current psychiatrist... which I didn't know I had, but I guess I did due to the depression I was in. (ME? Depression??? Go figure! NO, that's not me?) Well, to find out I had been under a lot of stress at work & I was out of work last summer for deep dression. (& I just confirmed it by reading my previous blogs.)
Anyway, these past 6 months I've been trying to get myself in snyc with everyone else. When it became 2007, I said "Ok, I concede it's 2007... I saw the ball drop (on tv) in Time's Square. So, if you were to ask me the date today, I can give it to you correctly.
Though if you try to ask me somehting during the 10 year block, I may not remember it.
Here are some other things I missed... My wedding. Yep, we've actually been married 10 years this past 11-8. However, either on or near our anniversary I remembered a detail only hubby & I know... & it was only a small FUNNY detail. Not the complete honeymoon... meaning I don't remember the race we went to. & etc. SO, that's what I mean I have only "pin holes" of information of my memory.
OH YEAH before things started going goofy on me yesterday (see below **) I was telling you about the things that was "blowing my mind". Won't get into 9-11 & Princess Di again... I want to tell you how strange it was to see my son...
He's now 17 & taller than me!!! I knew that would happen eventually because when he was 2 years old he was 3 feet tall & don't know if it's myth or not, but I said he'd be 6 feet tall when he's all done growing up. HE'S CLOSE!!! Anyway, I had to prepare myself that he was now 10 years older (7 to 17) .... but just wasn't expecting the growth spurt!
Then how about this one... When I was in the hospital hubby's brother & sister-in-law came to visit... I was shocked because in my mind she had just had their 1st baby 7 months earlier & here Shannon comes in 8 months pregnant, with their 4th child! So, that blew me away. My exact words to them were: To Shannon - "You're BIG" & to Adam - "You're BALD!" well, I mean to say to Shannon, you can't be that much preganant, Morgan's only 7 months old. Well, in fact she's 9 & 1/2 years old. They showed my her picture & then showed me pictures of the twin boys they have, Ian & Evan. They're now 8 years old (I think).
So, with all that said, needless to say, I don't have a job right now. Because the job I had, I don't remember. However, they (my employer) are trying to work with me by getting me some type of Long Term Disability (LTD)... 'til I remember I they finally decide they want to retrain me. Which from our understanding they don't want to do that. They'd rather pay for LTD. However, to get that I also had to apply for disability with Social Security. Now that's in the works too. Once that's all settled I should start be bringing in some $$$ to the household. Only problem is It's been since 1st of the year I have had any type of contribution. I guess this process takes a good 6 months or so.
On May 8th, I have an appointment with an independendt psychiatrist... so maybe we're finally back on track. I'll have to keep you all posted here about that.
You know, I mentioned somethings have just come instinctively to me... this is one of them... use the computer & internet. After watching hubby a few times I started do it a little with him in the room & now I feel it's just "2nd nature".... Like riding my Harley!! LOL...(Dad, don't worry, I'm being very careful with it!!! No going it a lone for a while!) That surprised me the most... Because I had never been on motorcycle by myself until after hubby & I were married. Hubby said I took "classes" to learn. So, I guess it just stuck with me. Because the last time it was real nice & warm (few weeks ago) I washed up my bike & I started it & took it just down the road & right back. (Since I was by myself, that's all the farther I wanted to go.) Then when hubby came home from work we took the bikes out & went to Mike's Pizza for supper & when we got back I said... I didn't know riding my own would feel SO GOOD!!! & I felt as comfortable on it... comfortable as to know what I was doing that is!
Also, typing emails & doing this blog thing, I see I am doing stuff 2nd nature like these LOL & :) and using ... when I am pausing my thoughts. It's like that kind of stuff never went away... sort of.
So, with that said if I had met you sometime during 10-16-1996 thru 10-15-2006, just beware I may know you, but probably won't remember you. (Like my one friend Camilla from my work... she's been great thru all this! She & I have been texting & talking to each other via our cell phones & emails. But we have yet to meet since I was in the hospital. Thankfully I know what she looks like, because, she did have a 360 site like this & she had her picture on it. But she recently deleted it. (bummed, I liked seeing pictures of her & her family.)
She said she just doesn't have time to keep it up. Well, that leads me to an idea.... I think I'm going to create a poll in my next blog... we'll see!!! Keep a look out.
Ok, I have rambled on long enough so, I'll finish now... with this...
If you know me or not, please feel free to reply to my ramblings. I am not sure exactly how you can do it... but somewhere on the page there is a place. Or at least eamil me & let me know what you think. OR if you just want to talk!!! :) :) Email: aiz320@yahoo.com
I do NOT want any jokes or fwd emails or spams. If I get one from someone I don't know & it looks like a spam or anything like that I will automatically block you. However, if you're emailing to comment on my blog & / or site. Then I will reply! :) Also, please keep it CLEAN!!! (not that I expect anyone other than my friends & family to reply. LOL)
Anyway I just wanted to let you all know what happened & why I haven't been posting. For 1, I just wasn't sure what I wanted to tell. 2. I had been having a hard time with the depression still. They're just so much I need to do & I haven't been able to just get up & do it. So, needless to say, I'm looking forward to what this dr might say. (Family says I just need to get up & get moving... to a point I agree... but I think alot of it's overwhelming me. We'll see!)
(P.S. Here's a funny note, when my minister was visiting me in the hosipital he asked me "who's the president" I said "Bill Clinton" he said "no, George Bush". I said "again"? "No his son George W. Bush". Then my husband said "No, she was close, it's Hillary Clinton." Of course TJ (our minister) laughed & said that was mean! Mean, but if she gets her way, it will be true soon. I HOPE NOT!!!!!!!!!)
** (It's a weird story what happened yesterday & I'm still not quite sure as to what happened. I don't want speculate yet. Until I know for certain. Once I do, I'll post a blog just for that! Make sense? It will if it's what I think it is. But look for that another day!)
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