Just wanted to mention this here... & not on my Facebook page, because... well, honestly I don't know why.
Anyway, the past several weeks ... maybe longer, I've been dealing with a bad run of depression. So much that I hadn't even turned on my computer for about 3 or 4 days.
I'm still struggling, even today. All I want to do is watch a little tv & sleep.
It's gotten so bad that my voice is strained... I thought it was from a cold (started last week)... but the more I think about it, I wonder if it's just psychosomatic?? I can talk normally, but after a couple minutes my throat gets sore, & then I end up whispering to keep it from getting worse.
Since I had been sneezing a bit here & there (nothing too bad) I thought it might be allergies. The 1st day when this started, I was to go to PT (for a "frozen shoulder") but was coughing each time I spoke & so, I canceled it, thinking I was getting a cold.
Now that this has been going on for a week, I don't know. Has anyone else had this happen before?
Oh, the only reason I even turned on my computer today was to see if there were storms headed my way & to see if I needed to hurry & get the dogs out. Thankfully not yet.
As anyone knows, when you're dealing with depression, everything suffers... and I'm afraid this time my health is the target now. *sighs*
I'm not posting this to look for sympathy... just seeking advice, I guess. I really don't know.
By the way, don't worry, I'm not in so deep where I'd want to do anything drastic, as to end my life... ABSOLUTELY NOT! I have too many things to live for... besides, my biggest fear, is death. Don't know why since I love the Lord & I believe fully in Jesus!!!
However, that does not stop me from asking God to take me in my sleep to end my suffering & end those in my life's suffering because of my lack of... whatever. Again, I'm NOT going to do it myself... & I know at some point I'll bounce back again... as always.
I'm just very concerned that each time I slip low like this, it's getting worse. *sighs again*
Ok, I'll stop now, because now I have tears in my eyes.
Again, this is not for sympathy! Love you all & thanks for listening! *BIG HUGS!*
My allergies have been particularly bad this year. With me they take the form of tiredness. I'm not depressed, I just can't concentrate. It happens to me about this time every year now, and ends when the pollen count goes back down.
ReplyDeleteI thought you were just having time off from being online. Sorry, I've not experienced anything like that myself, so can't be of much use. I can do this though............*Hugs and hands over chocolate* :)
ReplyDeleteyou are doing the right thing by reaching out. with all you have gone through.. surgery and all.. getting used to a new norm.. can actually cause depression. also when things don't worki out the way you expect to it too can cause depression. I would suggest seeking proffessional hekp at least in the short term if you haven't already it may help out a whole lot. I know the concept of another med sucks but it may help. ((hugs)) my moods go down every so often with the ptsd. and after my surgery for my jaw joints it got worse not better.
ReplyDeleteI do take Prozac... have for quite sometime. & Yeah, I figured I'd have to make a call to the doctor one of these days to get it readjusted or put on something different or in addition... I just was hoping to avoid that call.
ReplyDeleteOne reason is, I know he's going to want me to see him in person... & his office is 34 miles away now.
With gas prices as they are, my hubby is already having a fit about me going to PT, which is only a few miles away.
So, that adds to the depression! ARGH!!!
sounds like hubby needs a talking to. You didn't exactly ask to goto pt.. and maybe his feelings about the gas prices and his negativity is actually rubbing off on you more than you realize.. hence why you keep canceling the appts. I know It would me BIG TIME. I take on guilt for the meds I take taking money away from the family. the fact that if I have to go to any appts ect.. does that make any sense.. plus your still mentally vonerable from major surgery whether or not you believe it. it takes up to a year to really stablize from it
ReplyDeleteEven though you say you didn't write it for sympathy, you have mine. Or more precisely empathy, since I've been there. For the last few years I've been taking a prescription anti-depressant, and it really does make a difference. Depression is a physical thing, though it's in the brain, which gives it a heavy emotional content. I suppose I mean it's a chemical thing.
ReplyDeleteSince I'm an atheist, I'll forgo the urge to comment on your religious issues. I admit the temptation is strong, but this is not the time.
(((((Lady Harley)))))
I reckon your hesitation to post on facebook is because of all the armchair diagnosticians who'd have you diagnosed with everything from depression through to a brain tumour ;)
ReplyDeleteThere's a lot of depression around at the moment, half my friends (and I) are battling it, so you're certainly not alone. I don't know if you'll take any comfort from that? I know I don't, but you never know.
It's good that you're reaching out. I can't give sympathy even if you're looking for it, nothing personal there, but I do applaud you for admitting that it's an issue for you, and reaching out. That's very important, not so much because we can help, but because it shows that you can still help you. And we can support you to do that.
I dunno how much help I am, I'm sorry ... I'm 'flat' right now so what's coming across probably seems cold and indifferent, but I do feel for you, it's a horrible thing to go through. All I can suggest is to keep reaching out, keep voicing it, and the more you voice it, the less power it'll have over you. Depression feeds on isolation *hugs*
It's neither here nor there, but unless it's neutral discussion, probably no time is the right time. Becky believes in God, you believe there is no God, and you both have the right to believe as you will without hindrance :)
ReplyDeleteIt's not really a religious issue anyway; it's just a comment on the fear of death in light of faith.
I can sympathize with what you're going through. I've been there. I don't know why you get such a sore throat whenever you try to talk too much. That's a mystery to me. I'd suggest going to see your doctor no matter how far you have to drive. Your health is worth more gas than there is in the whole world, no matter how expensive it is. It's possible that the prozac just isn't working for you any more. I've found over the years that meds only work for so long with me, and then I have to switch to something else.
ReplyDelete*HUGS back!* & Yeah, it sort of helps... I feel for you & all your friends!
ReplyDeleteI just briefly mentioned on FB that I was not feeling well. There's so many there I'm connected with that I don't want to know my struggles. (Probably because of what you said.) ;)
Again I say... *HUGS* & Thank you Kitty! :)
Thank you! Well said... all of it! ;)
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing I can really add to the comments already given except to reinforce the fact that you are not alone, you have friends who care & all of us are here for you!
ReplyDelete~~BIG HUGS~~
Call your doctor now.
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, I've been drowning in depression myself. It's been terrible. It's because I don't feel good and don't go out, etc. I feel better when I'm around people.
ReplyDelete*hugs*
ReplyDeleteHugs from me too....look after yourself
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're feeling down right now, Becca. I hope talking about it has helped. Worrying about meds to help you can't help either, so I agree with Mysty ... talk to hubby and persuade him to take you to see your doctor. *Hug*
ReplyDelete*HUGS*
ReplyDelete(Thing for me is, I don't want to be around anyone right now... guess that's the depression taking over?)
Thank you all for your support... it really means a lot to me... more than you may ever know! *BIG HUGS*
ReplyDeleteThat's classic depression; it causes withdrawal and lack of interest, both in activities usually enjoyed, and social interaction.
ReplyDeleteMyself, it's one of the last signs I tend to notice, because I'm hardly a social butterfly at the best of times ;)