UFC - #155 - A day with Hubby - The instructions

Inspiration has hit with the latest UFC challenge...
Sunshineatmidnight's Challenge
Write an instruction manual (of any length) for a product or process.
The topic must be something that does not generally have a manual,
such as a #2 pencil or how to put on a sock.

(For other submissions click HERE.)

DISCLAIMER: I write this with lovingly wisdom & humor after being with my hubby for over 17 years!! (Wow has it been that long?)

Also, this is when our day meshes together. (Remember... my days & nights are all messed up at the moment!!) So, there can be some variables to the instructions depending on certain... (shall I say) events!

Furthermore, this is just a SMALL GLIMPSE... loosely represented!!

A day with Hubby - The instructions...
©LADYHARLEY 2009©

Mind you, I love my hubby to pieces... but there are times when I wish I had a manual to go by... So, maybe this will work. (Side note... This is not necessarily how it is for every Hubby, just mine, that I know of.)

1. The night before... ask Hubby if needs up at a set time. If no, go onto step #2.
If yes, keep the time in mind & when you hear the alarm beeping for over 5 minutes the next day & he's not moving around yet, holler up the steps: "Hey Dear?". Be prepared you may have to repeat yourself. When he answers, be ready for a cantankerous response... for you know he is probably still sleeping & really does not want to get up.

2. Remember, don't talk to him until after he's had his shower, is dressed and is down the steps. Even then, try to get it to the minimum AND only if it's necessary! Otherwise just a quick "I love you" will suffice.
(NEVER EVER SAY: "Good Morning" because then it will be greeted with hostility. Maybe a "mornin' " will be ok... but NEVER add the "GOOD" to it!!! Oh... & NEVER EVER SAY: "Have a good day"... that TOO would receive a grunt or grouchy reply!! (You might be able to get away with a: "TRY to have a good day.") It's best to say nothing or just "I love you & be careful" when he's walking out the door. (Making sure to say it without mumbling so he does not have to stop & say "What?" (if so, it won't be a nice "What?"... it would be a "Why are you delaying me?" type!!)

3a. If he's running late, because he ignored you and the alarms (yes, more than ONE alarm) offer to take the dogs out after he leaves! Again, make sure you're clear enough he can understand you. At this point you can go about your day until he returns. At which point you continue to step 9.

3b. If he has no where to go, just stay on the couch (or be sure not to be in his way) after he comes back in from taking the dogs out... & as he get something to eat for breakfast.

4. After he has retreated to the computer room, you go back into the kitchen open the top of the cereal box & close up the bag completely. Then, put it back in the cabinet where it belongs. (if you're not wanting some for yourself later.) Otherwise it will still be sitting on the counter until you do.

5. Then you turn your attention to the drawer(s) or cabinet doors he was in & close them all the way. (Thankfully you need not worry about the refrigerator door, because if it's functioning properly, it closes all the way on it's own.) This is one step you'll have to repeat anytime he gets something from the kitchen.

6. If you don't have anything purposeful to speak to him about... let him go about his morning without talking to him. Remember he's probably still groggy... and / or is already involved in looking at something on the computer.

7. After he's done eating & has returned the dish to the sink & he's back in the computer room (or in the garage), go to the sink & rinse the bowl out completely. Because it never fails he will just have splashed a little water in it to say he did rinse it. You can skip this step if you have a great dishwasher that works properly to clean off dried food & milk residue. (Side note: I have a dishwasher, but it does not work as good as it could & hence the reason for this step!!)

8. Now you can go about your day, but remember step #5... & to keep out of his way, unless you have something useful to talk to him about.

9. (If he's coming home from somewhere & it's supper time you can continue with this step... however, if not, you may need to review steps 4 through 8 & do them according to the given situation.) Now, it's supper time... be sure to ask him what he wants. (Unless you've already discussed earlier in the day.) If you are having a serious craving for something give it for a suggestion... but be equipped to have it changed if he's not at all interested in it. You can always submit it for approval the next day.
NOTE: Also be able to recall if you have the ingredients to make what he wants. If not, it may require a trip to the store. If you don't have it & are not willing to go get it... try to suggest something else. IF he says "I don't know" or "Whatever", be sure to get approval for what YOU want to fix (or whatever you're going to run to get. IE: Which fast food place to get from.)

10. Try to have your plate of food ready to eat at the same time or shortly after his, because he will want to sit & watch tv while he's still eating... if not, he will gripe about how he's about done before whatever you planned to watch has even started.

11. If you're not wanting to watch something that interest only him... then be sure to say: "Yes, we have stuff to watch... please don't get involved in anything." Otherwise he will grab the remote & you'll be stuck watching either some outdoor / hunting / racing (that you're not a fan of) or other type of show that you would not land on. Also, you'll probably want to be in control of the remote because of your quicker reaction... most of the time... to fast forward through commercials... if watching something paused or on the DVR. Just don't say anything on how much slower he is at it than you. Furthermore, if you're the one choosing what to watch, be sure to get his approval of the program... unless discussed earlier.
(If on the off chance you give him the remote or don't say anything, don't complain about what he chooses to watch, unless prepared to be snapped at about how he never gets to view what he wants.)

12. While watching, if it's something you really want to see, try your best to pay attention so you don't have to rewind... and make sure you are on top of skipping the ads. And try not to pause to use the bathroom or to get something... anything. But of course it never fails you'll have forgotten to put salt on your food or something & if you HAVE to get up... if so, be sure to listen carefully to the tv... other wise you'll have to pause or rewind which will inevitably incur a bit of resistance.

13. When you're both done eating, if he has not already taken his plate to the sink, be sure to ask for his dinnerware on your way to the kitchen. (On the rare moment he beats you to it... remember step #5!)

14. The program is over & now what? Be sure to compromise on something else, if he doesn't get up to not watch anymore.

15. As the night comes to the end, don't forget to ask.... "Do you need up at anytime tomorrow?"

16. Go back to Step #1!!

You have to remember to be extremely flexible & ready to amend any step to fit the protocol of the particular happenings!!

Plus there are so many other little actions that need to be implemented that can't be mentioned & just need to use the above as a base & take all this with a grain of salt....

There is ABSOLUTELY NO guarantee that any of this will work, because a man is just like a woman... entitled to change his mind about how he will respond!

Moral: Pick your battles!!