Let me just put it this way... My self-esteem has been shot to... pieces (to put it politely!)
Not to mention a long time friendship... (yeah... this is getting to be a recurring theme it seems like here lately on Multiply... but I think it's because we have so many friends here we want to keep you all informed.)
Now.... I am NOT going to mention names! And I am not going to say what happened. But suffice to say... I was shocked beyond all tonight about somethings... I really should have seen it coming... but I didn't... I was blind sided by this!
I knew some things were going on with this person... but I had not a clue how they felt about me. Yeah... sounds a bit selfish... but someone with a low self-esteem to begin with... AND because this is MY blog... I'm going to be.
BUT... It gets worse... I've found out this person has hurt other friends deeply too! I knew about this before I knew about stuff said about me. SO... I feel even horrible that my other friends are going through a rough time because of just one person.
I don't know if this person will even read it... but if so... I just have to say, "I'm praying for you... and had you just said something to me... I could have corrected my end of the problem at least! ... or at least tried to!"
So, anyway... I don't want to assume anything anymore... so, let me say... if you have a beef with ME... please take it up with me! It may hurt at 1st... but I'll get over it! And 9 times out of 10 I don't realize it's wrong... or if it's bothersome to you. I don't know how many times I have to say it... but I am a "people pleaser"... meaning I don't like to irritate people with my habits. Please tell me... because I try to adjust to everyone whenever possible AND when I can't... or slip up... I'll apologize... AND if it's something I have a reason for doing... I'll let you know. AND maybe you'll have a better way for me...
Do you see now? I don't like to anger anyone... so please... talk to me about it!!
Ok... that rant / venting is done (for now!)
On another subject...
It came to my attention the past couple weeks that you all may have gotten the idea (MY FAULT COMPLETELY) that I was terribly sick... I am truly sorry... I tried to explain it... that it was just a head cold and I had no fever... it just really knocked me for a loop. But I think I had the final knock out with it... because today (well, yesterday... Sunday) I started feeling much better!
So... I am so sorry to have worried you. I tend to over do it some times. I do truly appreciate all the concern. Trust me... I will let you know if there would be any concern. I just felt it was necessary to let you all know why I wasn't around much.
And so you know... if it was bad enough, yes... I would have seen a doctor... (if I could wake up for the appointment!! LOL) Sorry... I have to laugh at myself because this is so funny to me that I could not have gone to the doctor at all while I was sick... because I was sleeping the whole time they were open!!
Well, I guess if I was bad enough, I would have made it some how!!! TRUST ME.... I would have gone!!
OH... by the way... if you get one of them head colds this winter... I suggest TheraFlu... NIGHT TIME... SEVERE COLD!! That knocked it out of not just me... but also my hubby AND also my dad... (and he's in California!) So... I know it's going around!! I sure hope you all can stay away from it!!
Ok... that's all for now... my sleeping habits have got to change one of these days!!!!
Night all!! (Look at the time I posted this!!) ;o)
[[[hug]]]
ReplyDeleteI'll tell you like I told Carrie. I'm taking quarters!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou know I'm not nice. so this person better not hurt my friends ANYMORE.
If you are reading this, "person", than really you need to step back and look at yourself before talking about others.
((HUGS)) LH
I don't know who this "person" is, but I don't like it when my friends get hurt. I'm with Amy on that one!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are feeling better. I think I may on the road to recovery from walking pneumonia.
Just that time of year, I guess. It's been down in the 30's at night & 40-50s in the daytime.
Take care & I hope you have a nice week!
Hugs!
Oh what a controversial colds. At least you visited a Doctor and how come it took you so long to see a Doctor if I may ask? I can't blame that friend of yours got pissed off with your rant and I can't blame you either coz maybe you don't believe in Doctors, just like me, if I can still stand with it and i can still help with my self medication I will not rush to the Doctor at least we know our body, whether we need to go to the Doctor or not. You can not please everybody my friend, you must remember that. Maybe, unknowingly you kept nagging yourself of having colds not realizing you are already irritating somebody's ears:). Okay I hope you are well now. OMG, So you got insomnia, coz you said we have to look the time when you made this message and said goodnight.Oh! have a goodnight sleep then.
ReplyDeleteOh poor baby - big *hugs*!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteDear, dear Lady,
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad we've become friends and are beginning to know each other, because I can tell you something that I hope will ease your mind a bit: from what you've written here, you sound A LOT like me. You want to please others; you wish to avoid conflicts and confrontations; you like to do things to make others happy; your self-esteem suffers from things that only you & God may know; you are very true & loyal to others. AND you've been deeply hurt by others; especially someone you cared for & trusted very much. AND you are blaming YOURSELF for a lot of it.
First I'll tell you what others who know me well tell me all the time: stop blaming yourself (even if you don't think you are) and stop being so hard on yourself--that part isn't easy to see either, but you do it nonetheless, and it is very hard to stop, even when you're aware of it. Ask God to help you with that part, and also ask Him to help you allow the one(s) who hurt you take responsibility for it themselves!!!.
I really want you to be able to read some of my past blogs, beginning with "My Life with Dependent Personality Disorder"--not that I am saying you have this or anywhere near it--just that a lot of the things you describe are similar to me and how I've had to deal & live with things. It may give you some insight that will help you.
Earlier, I published things only for my contacts, so I'll have to check that one & see. I'll republish it for the network if necessary. I'm not sure if you can access it or not. You could try, and let me know if you can't...
Heavenly Father, right now, with your mighty but gentle hand, hold Lady in your most loving caress. Reassure her as in Psalm 103 that you remember of what we are made and you still love Lady as tenderly as a Father loves his children and you love her with an everlasting love. Remind her as in Romans ch. 8 that nothing can come between her and your love demonstrated in Jesus Christ. Remind her that NO weapon formed against her shall prosper; that as your child she is above only and not beneath; she is the head and not the tail; and that she is already seated in Heavenly places. You promised never to fail nor forsake her (Hebrews). Remind her to re-read Psalm 91 so that she sees ALL the protections she has as your child. Remind her that your Holy Spirit is right there within her to be her guide and whatever else she may need on earth as she lives each day and does the best she can. Most of all, heal her aching heart as only you can do. In Jesus' mighty name, Amen and Amen.
AND PS: this isn't for sympathy, this is for STRENGTH!!!
I'm with Helen on this..Bee GENTLE with YOU!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you all! This has been so kind of you! :) **HUGS**
ReplyDeleteP.S. Helen... I'll get to your blogs soon.. I promise!! :)
Just disregard if you are too busy or overwhelmed. I only want to help--not to add more stress on!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Helen! I appreciate that! :) :)
ReplyDelete((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
ReplyDelete*hugs*
ReplyDeleteWell, Sweetie, I know this person and the situation and all I can say is this....do not let the action of someone who was not truthful with you effect your self esteem. I have not know you that long, but I have always found you to be a sweet, caring and loving lady who would help there friends any way she could. To me, that is what matters and you should take pride in that. And also know, we, as your friends, would do the same for you. That is how much you mean to us. So, when you do feel your self esteem is lowering, always remember that....
ReplyDeleteyeah. she's got issues to talk badly about my dearest Lady.
ReplyDeletexoxo